Somethings Never Make Sense
by Writer-4ever-and-always
Summary: Sometimes life can hurt.....


It was like watching a dream at first, everything was fuzzy and then like someone had forced him to look at it, every thing was too sharp.

There was his Pretty Boy lying on the ground, eyes open, glazed over staring at nothing. The amount of blood was the thing that stuck with him.

There was blood on him and on Reid. He felt the tears and as he slowly watched them carry Spencer's body away, the only thing he could do was stare. Everything was fake and he was just waiting for the cameras and Garcia to jump out yelling "Got You!"

But that never came and eventually someone…Hotch came and helped him up, and into the car. He new he was in the car but the only thing he could see was Spencer's smiling face, whispering "I love you."

He heard someone calling his name and he looked up and realized they had stopped. Garcia came running and he smiled at her, "So are you going to say it?"

She looked confused and shook her head, "Say what Sugar?"

He shook his head, "Got you…this is a joke right…"

The look in her eyes suddenly was suffocating him and he felt the tears slowly leaking out. He touched his face and then looked at Hotch who was almost crying himself, "It's not a joke is it…."

Hotch shook his head and he turned to see Spencer being pulled out of the ambulance. He took off running, pushing the people out of the way, grabbing the white sheet and yanking it back.

There he was his beautiful genius, pale, cold, lifeless. Finally the dam broke and a strangled cry ripped through his body. He hugged the man he loved tightly to him and sobbed, "No! You can't leave me!! What am I supposed to do with out you! You cant!!"

He felt hands on him and he turned punching, pushing, hurting anything he could to get his hands on…he needed the pain that was ripping threw him to go away. He couldn't take it.

He fell to the ground, sobbing, looking at Hotch's bleeding lip and then Rossi's red cheek. He stared as the man soothed him and brought his knees to his head and just cried.

It felt like his entire soul wanted to kill him, like it wanted every single cell in his body to die. He looked up to see them covering Spencer back up and he just stared watching them take the only person he fully trusted…the only person he fully loved away.

He looked over when Emily, JJ, and Garcia were trying to talk to him, but all he could say was, "No…"

"**No…."**

The funeral was like a huge black blob that weighed on his soul, he knew he was crying but the only thing he felt like doing was punching and kicking, screaming anything to gets this feeling of despair to lessen.

He watched as everyone cried and listened to the priest and then Hotch asked him if he wanted to say anything. He walked to casket and stared down the picture of him and Spencer, him holding him tight and them laughing.

"I loved him…I loved him so much."

He broke down crying again, Rossi escorting him away. He was slightly aware of his mama and sisters, crying waiting for him to do something, but the only thing he could so was repeat that he loved Spencer.

The days blurred into weeks, the weeks into months. Derek sat at his desk, writing a report, trying not to think about things, when a hand rested on his, "Baby Boy, why don't we go out tonight… you look like you need a meal."

Derek shook his head, "It's…movie night…"

Garcia's eyes filled with sorrow and he simply looked back at his paperwork.

"**Pretty Boy, I don't know what to do anymore. Everything is wrong…Every where I go; it all feels like I'm making a mistake. Why couldn't I help you…why couldn't you wait? I can't feel anything except hurt and they all want me to get better but… I cant babe…I can't not….love you. I cant…be without you. I miss you so much."**

The movie got over and Derek was crying again, he drank another beer, letting it take the edge off the pain. He got up and picked up one of the books he didn't even know the title too.

He hugged it close, letting the tears cover it, knowing that Spencer should be there yelling at him to stop ruining his books. He heard the door bell and slowly answered it. Emily was standing at the door, "Can I come in?"

He backed up and let her in. She gasped at his apartment, it was cleaned; every inch was cleaned spotless. Nothing was out of place, just like Spencer had left it. "Whoa Derek…You've kept this place just like Spencer did."

The name tore threw him like a knife and he physically grabbed his chest. It took another twenty minutes for her to finally leave and he walked into the bed and lay down, grabbing Reid's pillow. Squeezing it to him he took a pain filled breath and tried to sleep.

"**I love you….I miss you. What do I do…?"**

Hotch walked over to him, touching his arm. He looked up slightly before looking back down at his coffee. "Derek I'm going to take you out of the field, until the psychiatrist says you can come back on."

Derek nodded slowly standing up and walking out of the BAU. Hotch sighed and told JJ where he was going, after informing every one else he grabbed his things and left.

He knocked on Derek's door and it opened, "Come in"

Hotch waited and saw that Derek had a shot glass out and half of a bottle of liquor was gone. Hotch sat down at the table and watched as Derek sat down too. The man stared off into space, "Morgan…Derek you need to start getting help. It's not healthy to keep living like this-."

Morgan was spaced out again, staring at the wall, "I remember every night Spencer would read," Derek took two shots and then smiled at the wall again, "And I wanted him to feel like I cared. So I listen to every story…and I always complained…that he read to fast…a-and that he picked b-boring stories and I just always wanted to hear his voice."

Hotch waited for him to finish, Morgan smiled over at Hotch in a heartbreaking way and the pain in his eyes made it hard for Hotch to swallow. "Now…I read them every night…hoping that I'll remember his voice."

Morgan broke down again, and Hotch touched his shoulder. Morgan instantly stood and punched the wall, over and over until he was bleeding and he had no more energy.

Hotch sat down next to him and wrapped him in a hug, "I don't know how to do this Hotch. Not without him."

Hotch knew this was going to hurt but he knew Morgan needed it, "Spencer is dead, Morgan…you have to try to heal."

Morgan's sharp intake of breath made him hold him tighter and slowly but surely he fell asleep.

"**I don't know what to do. Everyone knows I am falling apart…but I can't…I can't let you go to heal… I think that would hurt too much. What do I do Pretty Boy… I need a genius right now."**

Derek stood over Spencer's grave, laying the flowers down. He felt the tears dripping down his face, "I'm going to travel for a while Pretty Boy. I need to get away from here…See if a change helps. I'll be back…and Garcia said she would check on you everyday… she promised she wouldn't forget. I don't think this is going to help babe…but I can't stand how much I'm hurting everyone here…so maybe I need a quiet place were no one else can tell me to start healing…a quiet place where I can just… hurt."

Derek touched the headstone and stood up walking silently away from the grave. He felt the pain increase with each step, and it took everything not to turn around.

He slowly got in his car, pulled out and blew Dr. Spencer Reid a goodbye kiss.

"**I love you Pretty Boy…"**

JJ let out a strangled cry and Emily took off to her office. Hotch, Rossi, and Penelope were not far behind. JJ was crying, shaking her head "Oh God…"

Hotch finally got her to snap out of it, "JJ what is the matter?"

She was shaking and she leaned into Emily, "Derek was pulling out from the graveyard and got hit by a semi…he's…he's dead."

Garcia fell to the ground, Rossi's face was shocked and tears came to his eyes. Hotch grabbed the desk and Emily… started to laugh and ran out to her desk. She took a picture of Spencer and Derek out of the frame and brought it in to the office.

The team was watching her and she silently with tears streaming down her face, poked the pen threw the picture. She moved the pen around all over and then pulled it out…holding up the picture she smiled through her tears, "You can even examine the pen… At least now they are together… you guys want to see a physics and magic trick?"

The whole room burst into laughter, crying and laughing at the same time. Hotch was the first to recover and he smiled at the picture, "You wanna know the statistics for finding true love…"


End file.
